The Communication Gap

This has nothing to do with the post, I just thought it was funny

While the "Confidence Gap" between girls and guys have been making major news across all mediums of media, I think that a major communication gap is going on between the sexes, particularly between the Feminists and the Men's Rights guys.

This broken communication is highlighted by the tragic UCSB shooting that happened yesterday due to the hand of Elliot Roger, a seriously ego-centric dude on a major God complex and with some influence by the Men's Rights movement. (If you want to read up on how he was influenced by the Men's Rights movement in detail, click here) In his video manifesto, he basically stated that he had no clue why females and popular people as a whole weren't paying attention to him. All he wanted was "adoration" by women and was brutally denied of sex, pleasures and love. Therefore, he was going to go to a sorority house on campus and shoot all the "blonde sluts." You'll just have to watch the video to believe it. It's disgusting.

Facebook automatically blew up with anger. A lot of girls, including myself, couldn't even comprehend this guy's entitlement mentality. He felt that he deserved sex and adoration, and he didn't get it. He, in "retribution," would kill a bunch of girls because "it wasn't fair" that he was a 22 year old that had never been kissed. He granted himself the license to kill because he was no one was paying attention to him, the "supreme gentleman" and "alpha male," while all of the girls threw themselves at other "obnoxious" guys.

But, in reaction to the girls' reaction, the guys blew up a bit too. The guys, in short, stated that it was wrong to drag feminism into a tragedy where people died, and this crime wasn't due to his attitude towards women, but it was his very unstable mental state. Some guys even stated that, by speaking out, the feminists were lumping all men into Men's Rights believers and enablers, even if they were just disagreeing.

So, I feel obligated to clear some of the water between the guys and girls because I was one of those girls that posted on Facebook about this. I can't speak for all girls out there, but I think a lot of them would agree with me. In my opinion, there were a buttload of things that made this guy do what he did, one of them being that he felt that he deserved sex and love from women. I also think that this guy was unstable as hell and had really, really deep-seeded insecurities. So the Men's Rights influence wasn't the  sole factor for this, but it was a factor that shouldn't be minimized.

I also think that last month's stabbing of that girl who declined a prom offer by the dude who asked her shows a disturbing start of a trend. I won't call it a full-blown trend because the Prom thing and the UCSB thing is only 2 instances, but I hope to God something like this never happens again. But in these two instances, the girl's "no" was not respected. In both of these situations, the guys acted violently to rejection rather than taking it and moving on. It's very troubling to see that, in these two instances, a girl's "no" was lethal. And I understand that plucking up the courage to approach a girl is hard, and getting rejected is even harder, but that rejection gives the guy no right to act violently. I've been in the guy's shoes too: I asked this guy to Winter Formal this year and he declined. I didn't react violently, nor did I make his life hell afterwards. I just took the hit and moved on. I respected his right to decline my offer, and I didn't feel entitled to a yes.

And when girls are speaking out against a guy's rather horrid actions, we are not clumping ALL guys into this particular guy's category. Let me repeat that: We are not clumping ALL guys into this particular guy's category. This goes for Elliot Roger, this goes for the crazy prom guy, this goes for those disgusting guys who catcall girls and harass them verbally from the sidewalk. WE DON'T MEAN TO CLUMP. WE REALLY DON'T.  There are some really great guys out there. We are not men haters. Most guys are normal and nice and totally with it. If you're reading this right now, you're probably one of the good ones. We like guys. We especially like you nice guys in a nice suit. So, please, don't take it personally because it's not personal at all.

So what the hell do girls want? They want to be on equal footing with men, and yet, they want guys to be chivalrous and treat them like princesses? (the princess thing only goes for some girls, I'm not really one of them) They want nice guys, but a nice guy comes along, and they friendzone him. They flirt with guys, they string them along, they make them pay for food and presents and what the hell?! And dude, I empathize with you. Truth of the matter is, girls really don't know what they are feeling 75% of the time, or at least, that's what I'm like. You feel that girls are demanding more from you and giving you less of what you want in return. And I get that, I recognize your frustration. We are pretty damn confusing, so lemme try to clear some stuff up.

The modern woman wants to be respected. The reason why we really hate hearing "get back in the kitchen," and "go make me a sandwich" is because they are commands. No girl, or human being for that matter, likes to be told what to do or be backed into a corner. Does that mean we will never make you a sandwich? NO. I will gladly make you a sandwich if you ask nicely and are respectful. You make me a sandwich in return? You get bonus points. If I really don't want to make you a sandwich because x, y, and z? You can make your own sandwich, and I will make my own as well. Simple as that. We can both make dinner together, or we can switch off, or we can just order takeout (ugh, yum). It's a balance. We are not your subordinates, we don't want to be ballbreakers either. We just want to be your equals. I don't know about other girls, but I hold doors open for guys when I get to the door first, because it's common courtesy. So if you hold a door open for me, I will say "thanks" and be happy that you did, and maybe will hold the door for you sometime in the future.

But at the same time, don't get carried away with "common courtesy" concept. Just because you are nice to a girl, does not mean she owes you anything emotionally or sexually. Just because you give her a great first, second, or third date doesn't mean she owes you sex. Sex is not like making sandwiches for each other or holding doors, it's not a matter of common courtesy. Stuff like that is really personal, and the girl shouldn't feel obligated to give it to you. If she's diggin' you and she's feelin' it, she'll probably let you know. Let that choice be hers, like that choice is for you.

And there is a difference between being nice and friendly and being flirty. Some girls are just natural flirts and her "friendly" might be easily confused with "flirty." That's just humans though - I'm sure guys do the same thing sometimes. If you get a hunch that a girl likes you, but doesn't and wants to remain friends, she shouldn't be punished for that because GUYS DO THE EXACT SAME THING. Girls are friendzoned too - I've been friendzoned! It sucks but you get over it. It's a different story when a girl purposely flirts with a guy to lead him on or have him buy things for her or any other ridiculous thing like that - that's not respectful nor is it right.

The world is different than it was in the '50s. I'd make a horrible housewife, I really would. I'd just get bored and I'm no chef either. But my point is - girls just want to be respected as men's equals. I'm sure the Men's Rights movement just wants respect too. I think both the Feminists and the Men's Rights guys have super extreme wings - but I think that most girls today who like the Feminist movement just want respect and equality, and guys really don't feel like being a girl's servant at her every beck and call. Both guys and girls have desires, wants, and needs, but it's all a give-and-take, two-way-street thing. If we both just understand that, maybe the UCSB tragedy would have never occurred.

And if you read this whole thing, thanks! You deserve a medal. And I spoke kind of candidly too, so if it was weird, sorry. k bye.

Words vs. Numbers

Let me make an observation: It seems like today's parents, teachers, and school districts are ALL pushing towards the math and science track for today's student. It seems, to me, that if you're excellent at biology, biochem, engineering, or any science/mathematics of any sort, the nation's top universities and institutions are clamoring at your feet and are in the palm of your hand.

This observation is coming from someone who is, in every way possible, not a math and science individual.

It's really funny though, because I had thought that math and science was my absolute jam until about freshman/sophomore year. Way back then, I had wanted to be a chemist and I had simply put off my ease of understanding in underclassmen english and history as my "scientific skills" of great memory or something to that effect. 

But my interest in science soon turned into a great interest in Political Science, and the only numbers I ever wanted to look at were numbers from the stock market, the federal budget, and from Gallup Polls. I realized late into my sophomore year and into my junior year that I loved the stories that the history books and fiction novels told. I could spend hours reading books and articles, researching current events, and watching the news. Writing, in general, seemed so easy and natural for me. I liked facts that came in words, not charts from lab experiments. When I took Intro to Law, Model UN, and joined the Mustang Morning News staff for the second year in a row my junior year - my fate was sealed. I was, and am, an English/History person. 

The problem is: today's world has no room for English/History people. You want a stable and fairly lucrative job? Take Computer Science. Be an engineer. You want to be lauded as the smartest person in the room? You better be good at math or science. If a student is good at Math/Sci but bad at English/History, they are simply branded as a Math/Sci person - no issues there. But if an individual is good at English/History but bad at Math/Sci, they are stupid. People say, "Everyone can read," "Anyone can write an essay," and "Anyone can learn how to BS if they try hard enough." People want to pursue a Political Science/History/English degree in college? Completely worthless. Even some are questioning the merit/usefulness of a Business degree and even a Law degree nowadays. Bottom line: You want a job? Math/Sci is your track.

But to say the need for people who are good at subjects such as Politics, Law, Economics, Writing, and History is completely unnecessary in this world is wrong, and absurd. And frankly, I'm sick and tired of the stigma too. The people who create the laws of the land, run the media and entire nations, I can almost guarantee, are English/History people.

I don't want a chemist in the Oval Office or the Situation Room. I highly doubt a physicist can write a proper treaty, law, or UN Resolution. I don't want a medial doctor as a US diplomat, nor do I want a biologist telling me what's best for the economy. Fact of the matter is that chemists, physicists, doctors, and biologists - as brilliant and intelligent as they are - are not fit for these duties. They are fit for their craft, which they have honed to an incredible level, and they deserve the utmost respect for doing so.

We live in a highly specialized and trade-specfic world. A biologist can do what a politician can't, and vice versa. Some can write like mad and words just pour out of them. For others, the bond between numerics and man is simply inseparable. Both are needed, both should be equally valued. One is not "easier" than the other, and anyone who thinks that should get a reality check.

Schools need to get this message. We all know that tech development is a growing and hot job market that is likely to get to a booming level with time, and we all know that schools want you to learn and get a job. But when Standardized Tests like the SAT are kind of math-heavy, it's no question that Math/Sci people will have an easier time, and colleges will more likely be impressed with an A in AP Calculus or AP Physics rather than an A in AP English or AP US History. 

If you judge every animal on its ability to climb that one damn tree, it's obvious that the monkey will the best, and everyone else won't really preform as well in comparison. So if you're like me, who can't help but to compare herself to others, feel stupid and worthless at school, and feel the sting of parental disappointment once it was evident that I would not be a Math/Sci girl in the professional world, remember that you have your own set of skills. Rather than focusing on the subjects/skills you absolutely hate, focus on the things that make your heart smile and give your life zest and gusto. Hard work, passion, and raw talent are a powerful trifecta - so go kick butt and do what you do best.

(P.S: To any of my Math/Sci brilliants out there, this wasn't an attack on you whatsoever. I have mad respect for what you guys understand and accomplish. Go you. You rule.)

(P.S.S: It's currently past midnight and I'm way to damn lazy to edit this. If you see any spelling/grammatical errors, I apologize. I may be a English/History girl, but I could never wrap my head around spelling and grammar, mostly because I really don't care.)

Stripes and Heels

Ya feel?

J.Crew shirt / Madewell skinny jeans / Ruche peep toes

I didn't buy my skinny jeans ripped by the way. I took an unfortunate tumble while ice skating, and the rip at the knee was the result. 

Shout out to La Vista for featuring me in their spread about bloggers who go to my high school! I wish I took a picture of the article, they did a great job!

In other news, I head over to New York early Monday morning with my Model United Nations team for the NHSMUN conference. I'm pretty stoked but really nervous. Wish me luck?

I'll try to keep you posted with my NYC adventures! :)

Quote Philosophy

I personally think that the easiest way to tap into your inner life philosophy and beliefs is finding certain  quotes that resonate with you or you can remember off the top of your head. I think the quotes, or even lyrics and poetry, that somehow stay with you say a lot about who you are. Your virtues, morals, your perspective on life, love, etc. I'm a big word and language person, and quotes have always been a favorite of mine. I currently have 22 quotes taped up to the walls of my room! That's maybe a bit much, but I just love having something to read on my wall to remind myself who I am and where I'm going.

So, without further ado, I'll share some of my favorite quotes! All typographies from tumblr. :)

Book Club #3: The Catcher in the Rye

If you have not read this book, please do me and do yourself the biggest favor in the world and read this masterpiece. This is probably one of my favorite books of all time, and I'm re-reading this gem for the first time since freshman year. 

I'm about 100 pages, or two sittings, into this book. It was marvelous and beautiful and tragic the first time. It's even more so the second time around. I think when you read or watch something multiple times, you have the opportunity to enjoy the piece each time with a different perspective and it allows you delve deeper into the meaning and pick up things that you may have missed before.

Holden Caulfield. No words to describe this character. J.D. Salinger. One of my three favorite writers of all time. He writes like no one else, and his characters are just as vivid and alive as real people.

This tale, more than anything, is a psychological one. You may not relate to Holden 100% of the time, but what he says, how he feels, how deeply he feels, and his confusion and disillusionment between youth and adulthood is something that resonates with countless of readers. I think it's a mistake for readers to pass Holden off as simply complaining about a lot of things, that's not what Salinger was trying to convey. If you read carefully, if you really listen to Holden, you'll see his heart wrenching struggle and his sadness.

I'll go more into how much I love this book and why once I finish the re-read. I'm telling you, though. Catcher is a quick read and is absolutely worth every second you spend reading it.

Cybersecurity and Cybersecrets

This post was a long time coming. I have no idea why, but I have a healthy obsession with the lives of Snowden (as in Edward) and Assange (as in Julian). Which is weird, right? What these men did was treasonous, and wrong, and put the US in danger, right? 

Or what if what they did was an extreme form of citizen journalism or whistle blowing? Sure, what they did was risky and questionable/downright wrong legally speaking, but was it morally wrong? Are these men criminals? Or are they the ultimate martyrs for truth and transparency?

Personally, I think the latter is true.

Think about how the world would be today without folks like Assange, or Snowden, or Deep Throat and Daniel Ellsberg if we want to go back further into history. What if WikiLeaks didn't exist? What if the NSA leak was smothered before it lit aflame in the media and the public? What if The Washington Post never printed that article? What if the public never got to see The Pentagon Papers?

WikiLeaks: Exposed corruption in Kenya, "friendly fire" in Afghanistan, the US government's blind eye regarding reports of torture in Iraq during the Iraq War

Snowden: Exposed NSA's PRISM (and more) programs, use of metadata interception, and various international and commercial partners

Some may argue that this type of action, especially regarding WikiLeaks, is "aiding and abetting the enemy." But is that what it's really doing? Has the actions of Assange or Snowden put a major number or lives in danger? I think if that was the case, we'd hear something about the life-or-death thing blasting in the media. 

What is does endanger is the chance of governments getting away with questionable actions and it highlights the fact that "transparency" is to "government" as "classy" is to "Kardashian."

Governments denouncing Assage and Snowden? Snowden threatened with treason? Of course! They just got caught. You think that they're going to let him get away with it?

My point is that people like Assage and Snowden, like Deep Throat and Ellsberg, are brave. In the face of big, BIG punishments, they go out and they speak the truth, wether or not it wants to be heard or wether or not it is allowed to be heard.

And I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but find that honorable.

(This is here because I like Benedict Cumberbatch's face)

My Favorite Spots on the Internet

The internet is a BIG place, undoubtedly. It's like a whole new world! Here's a list of some of my favorite blogs, pages, sites, and anything else I can think to put on this post.

The College Prepster

I love this blog! Carly, the girl who runs it, started her blog while she was a freshman at Georgetown and continued it ever since, following her daily life journeys in NYC and any other place she goes. As the name implies, she is quite preppy. I adore her style! Not only do her clothing choices rock, she gives great wisdom about starting out your life after college and how to be a happy human being.

TIME's NewsFeed

All of the day's top news stories - political, economic, silly, and everything in between - are consolidated here. News Junkies rejoice.

Fan-Based Twitters

I follow character accounts from my favorite shows - particularly people from The Newsroom and House of Cards. As lame as that sounds, I really don't care. @WillMcAvoyACN, @MackMcHaleACN and @Frank_Underwood are three of my favorites.

The Londoner

Rosie, the girl who runs this blog, is amazing. Check out her blog if you want a peek at delish recipes, luxurious adventures around the globe, neighborhood goodies in London, and her awesome sense of style as a Brit. She gives great beauty tips as well! Warning though, you'll experience a tad bit of envy as you see her globe trot in her perfect bikini body on a glorious yacht, eating large amounts of expensive food.

tumblr

It's tumblr. I really don't need to explain more.

Unabashedly Prep

Oh lookie here, another Prepster blog! You know the "Prep in my Step" blog post I recently made? All those pics were from this site. Tons of street style, tons of inspiration. Give it a look!

The Beauty Department

Lauren Conrad's (or, as I like to call her, LC) two books, Style and Beauty, are literally textbooks for me. I've annotated them and post-ited them, I'm not even kidding. So when I heard that she was creating a beauty blog with new tips and tricks all the time, I was really excited. And I was not disappointed. Great tutorials, great DIY projects, and great inspiration and trend-watching posts. I came into the whole beauty-and-make-up game pretty late into my life. LC taught me how to do the Cat-Eye, how to put on mascara the right way, and about skin and hair care. Her beauty words are Gospel to me.

Go! Peruse the interwebs! Surf the net!